We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
