i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
