In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
