So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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