I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
