I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
