She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
