He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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