pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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