well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
