you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
