At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dick has a subreddit
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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