i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
