I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
