the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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