tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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