Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
