i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
