We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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