He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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