Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize