Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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