Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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