he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
