I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
