The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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