Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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