I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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