I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
