he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just pee around me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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