i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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