Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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