I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
