Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
