If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
