her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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