Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
