you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
