I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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