It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
