I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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