I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
