She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
