She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
