things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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