All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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