K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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