fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
