i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
