At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
