Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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