rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You need Xanax blowdarts
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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