So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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