Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i think my cat just said my name.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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