I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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