This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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