is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
