He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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