I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
