It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
