The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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