he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
