GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
