i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
