btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
