the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
