Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
