Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
