The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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