If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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