And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
