I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
