Do you still have your period?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
