Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
